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Nov 06, 2009

Top 5 Celebrities That Need a Fleshlight This Week


Celebrities sometimes need to blow a load too. Here are this week's top 5 celebrities that need a Fleshlight.


5. Mini-Me
Let's keep this short... Verne Troyer this week received a restraining order from his ex-girlfriend who claims that she is "scared for her life." When you are Dr. Evil's son, there is plenty to be afraid of - especially if One Million Dollars was involved. Since Verne won't be getting laid anytime soon, get this guy a Sex in a Can.

4. Philadelphia Phillies
There is nothing like having something come so close to fruition, only to lose it. The Phillies were outmatched by the New York Yankees this week in the World Series, leaving them with what must of been a very lonely and silent ride home. Hey, there is always next year right? Let's get the squad a Succu Dry to suck the suck out.

3. Ryan Seacrest's Stalker
Apparently someone has decided to stalk Ryan Seacrest. Yes, you read that last sentence correctly. When most people have no interest of being around the American Idol host, there is one man on earth who wants to get to him. When Ryan Seacrest is who you would like to stalk, you have more problems than anyone could ever imagine. There are so many better people to stalk out there. Let's get this guy a Stealth Fleshlight, so that he can be discreet behind bars.

2. Chris Brown
Chris, just BEAT OFF instead. Have a Fleshlight.

1. Levi Johnston
Sarah Palin's daughter's baby daddy has threatened to sue Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien. All this because of a William Shatner skit that involves the Trekkie reading off Levi Johnston's tweets. The problem apparently is that they weren't his tweets, but an impostures. Come on Levi, you just posed for Playgirl - you have a lot going for you. Leave Cone-Dawg alone. Instead of opening lawsuits, open a Jessie Jane and feel like the Playdude you now are.

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